i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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