then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
