We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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