so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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