May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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