i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
