I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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