wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
