So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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