I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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