so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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