That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
