Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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