Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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