Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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