Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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