I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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