You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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