I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
