im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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