Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
