i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
