I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
