You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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