I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
