I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
