we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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