Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
