Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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