Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
