Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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