btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
