I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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