Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
