So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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