I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo