it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.