Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet

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(302): View more from Delaware

He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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(802): View more from Vermont

he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye

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(925): View more from California

Wait, how do girls masturbate?

(1-925): View more from California

I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

(925): View more from California

..how does it fit?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....

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