That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment