Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....