your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial