I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*