nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
