Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner