you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry about my life...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome