the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
