This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
