Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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