So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
