I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
