I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Enjoy the penises
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
