You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
