I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
