If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
