thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
