did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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