she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
