I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
