He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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