just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
