I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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