I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
