Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
