ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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