I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
did you just send me my own nude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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