I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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