he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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