Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
