That's intense
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
